♥ I breathe you in, like sunshine into my lungs.

If you asked me to stay for you, I will.. but you just let me go. Monday, April 06, 2009 Monday, April 06, 2009

This is so hard to type out..
not only tears have filled up my eyes, my heart is sinking..
I just want to type this out..
so that I'll face the awful truth,
so that I can be strong.
Yestersday I wish you didn't asked me to choose.
I wish you don't need to stay away for 8 months..
Stay away from the computer until December.
Stay away for your studies..
Stay away to work hard so you can come here to study
but for me and for you, we both know
how hard is it to have a lover so far away.. and
we have to go on msn all the time to chat.
This not only distract us, it also pull down our grades.
I wish that all these was just a really very very bad dream..
but I know I have to face the truth.
Last time I always think how it feels like,
living a day without you.
Now I know the pain, now I know it's so painful to see you say goodbye.
8 months, 8 long months.
What will happen?
I don't know.
Yesterday I was trying so hard to stop myself
from screaming your name, scream so that you won't go..
As if you can hear it.
I was trying so hard to stop myself from crying in front of so many people.
As if you can see it.
Ricky, I don't say "I love you" to a guy for 7 months plus and
won't miss you when you're gone.
I still love you now.
You thought that I would stay as your girlfriend for 8 months
without any communication.. I wish I can do that.
I wish I got the strength to choose that.
You give me 2 choices:
To stay as your girlfriend but without communication for 8 long months
or
To walk away and maybe go date other guys.
You like the 1st choice,
I like it too..
but me, Hui Yun got no strength to choose the 1st one.
Why?
I can't stand it.
All these months with you and whenever you're gone
I cannot stop myself from missing you.
I'm very upset when you are not there for more than 1 day.
I'll cry, I'll think that you don't love me like I think you do.
How? How am I going to make it for those 8 months?
If I'm brave enough I can.. but I'm not a very brave girl.
What if along the way, you like someone else?
How you going to tell me?
I rather we end it now
and if you can come here and if you still love me..
I welcome you to woo me again.
I'm very very touched when you said that
"I cannot get your heart through msn, If I can come
I'll woo you from the start."
Thank you... if fate brings us together again..
I welcome you with open arms to woo me again.
I'll treat this as a test of our love and fate..
If we are meant for each other, we will end up together..
If our love is strong, nothing can stop us.
If not... I'll brace myself and move on.
Not going to be easy.. but I'll take baby steps to move on.
Till then, I love you and goodbye.

Edit for Panpig:
Work hard for your future..
Work hard for yourself..
Be brave and I believe you will soar and rise to success.
I believe in you and I always do.
You got problems, you can come to me
and I'll listen to all of them.
Be happy.
Jia you! :)